New News

Well, I have some new news to share. And it's not good news. Kenneth told me yesterday that his girlfriend is pregnant. I totally feel like I'm talking about what's new on The Young & The Restless, not my life and the life of my family. Honestly I'm not surprised. I've suspected this for some time and knew that even if I was wrong that it would only be a matter of time before it would happen. But still, this is not news I wanted to hear. She is due October 4th. My main concern about this news is how it will effect my children. Theo already knows that people should be married to each other before they have babies so this is going to bring up some icky difficult questions that a 5 year old doesn't need to think about. Also, I'm very concerned that they will feel that Kenneth is replacing them with the baby since he will be spending more time with the baby than with them. So far they have not planned on getting married. We are not even divorced yet!!! So how COULD they get married. I honestly also feel sorry for the baby. That baby did not ask to be brought into such a complicated scenario! Apparently Chelsae (that's Kenneth's girlfriend) is also from an extremely racist family so this baby will be born into an even bigger mess! And if they do get married, will my kids be put in situations where there is racial hostility? This is SO not what I ever would have wanted for my sweet, innocent children. Their dad is a teenager wrapped up in a 40-year old's body. It makes me want to work even harder to provide them with a stable, normal up-bringing. And if they need therapy or counseling to work through all of this as they grow up, I'm all for it. Anything to help them be kind, smart, loving, well-adjusted, God-fearing kids. Please pray for protection for my sweet children, and for strength and wisdom for me. Thank you!

Just Had To Say...

That I love my kids! I have 2 very amazing, wonderful children! And I am just so proud of them! I try to tell them that frequently too. The other day Theo came up to me and said, "Mom, did you always want to have a son who was adventurous?" And I said, "Oh yes, Theo! Adventurous children love life and are curious and have fun! I also always wanted a son who loved God, was kind to others, loved to learn, and had a fun personality and a silly sense of humor, and I got that too! You are all of those things!!!" You should have seen the precious, proud, giddy look on his face. And he gave me a great big bear hug and told me he loved me. Those moments are priceless and, as I also tell him frequently, if I had a choice of all of the little boys in the whole wide world, I would choose him! Before you say anything, I say these things to Josie all of the time too and she soaks it up too! Kids love praise and affirmation and I am saying all of this to encourage you to squeeze your extra-special kid today and tell them how thankful you are to have them as your child! Also I'm writing this so that on the days that are hard and I'm about to pull my hair out I can go back and read this and remind myself why I keep striving every day to do my best and live my amazing single-mom life and enjoy it!

Just had to say too that as I was tucking Theo in tonight and after we prayed and I sang a few songs to him he asked me to get his slippers for him. Sometimes he likes to sleep in them and he said his feet were cold. I went into the other room, got his slippers and then helped him get uncovered and put them on his feet. As I was putting on the second slipper, he (very sleepily) said, "Mom, you do a great job of taking care of me." I think I'm tearing up just typing it. It was just what I needed to hear from him.

Hiya!

Hello! I'm just hanging out here on a Thursday night without my kiddos. I guess there is one advantage of divorce, I always have a night of free babysitting! There, just looking on the bright side! I have to admit though that although I enjoy the peace of having some time to myself, this summer may be a bit different. Kenneth is wanting to find a few weeks this summer where he can have some consecutive days including a whole week at a time with the kids. I am not opposed to this idea, and it is encouraged by the court, but I have to admit that I will worry to death about them! I will have to stay busy, and the week long time I plan to go to Tennessee so that I can enjoy myself. But still, when it's just one night at a time, I think, well, that's doable, but just not knowing what they are doing for a whole week or even 3 or 4 days in a row will be a bit overwhelming! It's not like he tells me what they have planned or what they will do or did do. Any information I get is after-the-fact and from the kids. He's really insistent on taking them for 3 particular days in a row the week of July 7th. I asked him why it was important, and he said, "because I've got plans." That makes me nervous! He doesn't always make the best decisions when it comes to them. So please pray for me. My kids are NOT my own. They belong to God. I have to trust Him that He will protect my babies and take care of them. The interesting part is that I think sometimes Theo is the one who keeps him on track. He'll tell Kenneth, "Mommy doesn't want me to see that or do that. It's inappropriate." It's pretty sad when your five year old is keeping their 40 year old father on task. Anyway, I did not write all of this to put Kenneth down or make him look like a bad dad. I am writing to ask for help with my attitude and willingness to let him be their dad. Unless he makes some horrible or illegal decision when it comes to them, I have no control. The other part that makes me nervous is that he still has not gotten it through his brain that Josie is an escape-artist. When he took them to the zoo 2 weeks ago, I sent along her little harness/leash and asked if he could please use that with her since she runs away so fast, but no. Probably just because I asked him to, he decided not to. Now granted, she's still here, and she's still alive, so it was alright, but personally I just don't like to take chances with her safety! She would have no hesitation with running into a crowd of people away from you! She is the child that this leash was made for! She could get lost or kidnapped in an instant, and that is not a chance that I am willing to take! Anyway, again, going back. Please pray for me that I will be able to trust God that my children will be okay. I just love them so much and would never want anything to happen to them. I go through horrible scenarios in my brain of Josie getting lost and all of us filling out a missing child's report at the police station. It terrifies me! Okay. I have vented now. Thank you.

My children belong to God. They were never mine to begin with, I am just the one He chose to parent them while they are here on earth! I just want to do my best, so that someday when I'm before Him, I will hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That is my goal. Pray for me!

A Quick Update

Just wanted to let everyone know that the final date for the divorce has been postponed. It was supposed to be today but it will now be in a few weeks. This is actually a good thing because when I met with my attorney last week we realized we still had some loose ends and wanted to have one more meeting together. If we had tried to have the court date today, we still wouldn't have had everything final because I needed a few more pieces of paper to make sure Kenneth would have to be responsible for the things he needs to be responsible for. He is pretty ticked off at me that it has been postponed. But like I said, Oh well. It will only be few weeks away. We are just waiting for the court to announce the new date/time. Please be in prayer that I will be able to tie up any loose ends before that date. The more I can take care of now, the more secure I will be and the less money I will have to pay my attorney, because I won't have to keep going back for every little thing. I am glad that I like my attorney because I was just thinking yesterday that I am going to be having a long-term relationship with her!

My poison ivy has not gone away! I'm getting very frustrated and feel like a leper! My arm looks disgusting! I totally grossed out the gal in the coffee shop drive-thru! I tried to reach across with my right hand, but couldn't reach, so I had to use my left! Ew! And the medicine I have to take keeps me from feeling tired, so I haven't been getting much sleep, although so far it's not bothering me because I don't feel tired! I'm gonna crash when I go off of this!

Awana Award Night!

A couple of weeks ago now, was the Awana award night! Awana is kind of like a Bible version of boys scouts or girls scouts. Not sure how to explain it, but for Theo's age group, he was in the group called "Cubbies". They went through a book and memorized Bible verses each week and met on Wednesday nights at church! They received badges for every so often throughout the year which I sewed on his vest, and then on Award night, he got his "Cubbie Bear" pin for completing the year! This next year he will be in "Sparks" which he is really excited about. Wanted to post the video of his group singing their Cubbies theme song! I loved how he had his hands in his pockets during the whole song. I think he was nervous. But they were so cute! If you don't see him right away, he is on the left hand side of the video in the front!

Walking With Dinosaurs!

On Saturday, Theo & I drove to Ft. Wayne to see "Walking With Dinosaurs". This is a stage show with huge computerized dinosaurs that are very realistic looking. Granddad met us there later. I knew are seats were supposed to be decent, but I was surprised when we got there and we were in the first row! I warned Theo that there would be loud noises, the sounds of storms and volcanoes erupting and everything, but he still jumped a few times and when the huge T-Rex stood right in front of us and roared, he almost jumped out of his seat! The only down-side to this show was the story of evolution. It was narrated the whole time by a "'paleontologist" and of course talked about how it wasn't earth then, it was "Pangaea" and this was billions of years of ago. Luckily, Theo already understands that scientists believe this, and it's not true. So now and then he'd look at me and say, "Don't worry, mom. I know the Earth isn't really that old." Or, "Don't worry, I know that only God created dinosaurs and men and that we didn't evolve from apes." He is really into science and history in particular, so he's pretty wise to the whole thing. But it was definitely a great show. We couldn't take flash photography, but I turned off my flash, and got some photos! Theo's souvenir was a dinosaur tale that he can wear, and he has been wearing it all over the place! He wanted to wear it to church on Sunday! Silly boy!