E-I-E-I-O!!!

Old McGranddad had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! And on that farm he had some veggies, e-i-e-i-o! With a tomato plant here, and a cabbage plant there, here some corn seed, there some green beans, everywhere a garden box...

Okay, you see where I am going. Grandad has decided to grow some veggies this year! YAY! When I was young, my parents had a yummy garden full of goodies every summer. So I'm excited that the kids get to help re-start that tradition! They had a great time working out in the garden and helping plant and water. Hopefully we will see the fruits (or in this case, veggies) of our labor! ;-)

Our First Warm Day!

Last Monday, Memorial Day, was the first really warm day that we had, so Granddad set up the sprinkler and fun was had by two wet little kiddos!

I'm So Behind On Pictures!

It's been so long since I've posted pictures of the kids. I'm going to attempt to catch up. So sorry!

46 Things About Me

1. Do you like blue cheese? I love it on salads and steaks and such, but not by itself!

2. Have you ever smoked? I have smoked cigars, but that was in the days of yore and the thought of that makes me sick now!

3. Do you own a gun? Not a real one, but we have plenty of toy ones around here!

4.What flavors of Kool Aid were your favorite? Been a long time, but I would say Strawberry!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not normally, but I suppose it would depend on why I was going!

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I love them on the grill and eat them occasionally, but don't like to think about where they came from.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Muppets Christmas Carol

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee!!! (this is not a preference, it is a necessity!)

9. Can you do push ups? Not too many at a time!

10. Whats your favorite piece of jewelry? A necklace pendant that Michelle gave me of a broken heart that has been mended together by a cross. Very neat.

11.Favorite Hobby? I like lots of things. Mostly hands-on things. Knitting, painting, scrapbooking, sewing, quilting...

12.Do you have A.D.D.? I don't think so!

13.What is one trait you hate about yourself? At the moment I would say that I am allergic to Poison Ivy.

14.Middle name: Grace

15.Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. That my kids need to go to bed - they are driving me nuts, that I'm itchy, that ice cream sounds good.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? coffee, diet coke, water

17. Current worry? There may be storms tonight and I don't like storms!

18. Current hate: Divorce

19. Favorite place to be? With my family, with my friends!

20. How did You bring in the New Year? I think I will skip that question, the answer will bring back bad memories. Let's just say that the next New Year will be better. There is no way it could be worse!

21. Where would you like to go? Italy

22. Name 3 people who will copy/complete this? I don't know!

23. Do you own slippers? I used to. I love to wear them in the winter, but I'm really more of a barefoot gal!

24. What shirt are you wearing? a Sauders' Nursery t-shirt!

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I haven't done it, but I don't like satin. It's too sweaty.

26.Can you whistle? Not well. And not in tune.

27. Favorite color? Green

28. Would you be a pirate? I don't think so. I would get irritated with the eyepatch and I don't look good in hats.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower. That's my "talk with God" time.

30. Favorite Girls Name? Josephine/Josie. My other girl name was Violet, but I will not be using that now!

31. Favorite boy's name? Theo/Theodore. I like the name Abe/Abraham too.

32. Whats in your pocket right now? My cell phone

33. Last thing that made you laugh? A conversation with Kenneth over Text Message. It made me laugh because he got so angry at something so stupid. He was not laughing. I was laughing.

34. Worst injury you ever had? Well, recovering from each of my c-sections was no picnic.

35. Do you love where you live? Yes. And I will love having my own house again in two years too.

36. How many tv's do you have in your house? 2

37.Who is your loudest friend? I would never answer that.

38. How many dogs do you have? 0

39.Does someone have a crush on you? Nope. And I'm okay with that.

40. What is your favorite book? The Bible, and I love the Harry Potter series for fun and addictive reading!

41. What is your favorite candy? I love chocolate of course, but my favorites would be the fruity candies. Skittles, Starburts, Sour Patch Kids, that sort of thing.

42. Favorite sports team? Tennessee Titans!

43. What song do you want played at your funeral? That's not something I've not given much thought to. I guess I'd really like praise & worship songs - that's what I'll be singing up in heaven while everyone else is at the funeral!

44. Name two people that made an impact in your life that are still living (not in Bible)? How can I choose just two? I suppose I would say my Mom and my Aunt Nora. But there are also many more including my Pastors in Tennessee and all of my close friends! Can't choose!

45. Name two people that are no longer living that made an impact on your life(not in Bible)? Hmmm. I have no idea. Can't think of anyone right off hand.

46. Name two people that are famous that made an impact on you (not in Bible)? Again, no idea. I don't like the word famous anyway. People are just people.

What's Up Doc?

Broke down and went to the Dr. today for my poison ivy and now finally have some real meds for severe allergic reactions! Hooray! I hope it works quickly, this is getting disgusting! And itchy! Yikes!

To Everything, Turn Turn Turn...

There is a season, turn turn turn. That song reminds me of music class in the 6th grade. That and the song, "Country Roads, take me home, to the place I belong! West Virginia, Mountain Mama..." Why did they pick such lame songs for music class? And if music class is teaching kids songs that were popular a decade before, are the kids in music class now singing Brittney Spears songs or the Backstreet Boys? "Everyone now! 'Oops, I did it again..' Now the altos!"

Anyway, that is really not why I was saying, to everything there is a season. Just got off on a tangent! ;-) Actually I was saying that for many reasons, first one being this was Theo's last day of preschool! He will officially be an Elementary school student for the next 7 years! AHHH!!! Where does the time go? My little lovey was just a babe in my arms such a short time ago! And the sad part is that I know that the next 5 years are going to go even faster! And wouldn't you know it, my camera's battery died today at his last day when we were trying to get a group photo, but one of the other mother's got a good one and is going to email it to me!

Another seasonal comment - we are officially on Summer Vacation!!! YAY! My parents have been on summer vacation for a few weeks now, but now that Theo is off, it's official! Now if only we could get some warm enough weather to go swimming!

And is there a part of that song/verse that says, A time for scratching? Nope guess not. But can I just tell you that I have the worst poison ivy right now? I am so itchy!!! It's driving me nuts! But tonight, while Kenneth has the kids, I am doped up on Benadryl, so I hope that helps. I've tried creams, I even have been taking a homeopathic medicine for poison ivy. But I am still itchy and scratchy! ;-)

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; My weeping is over, folks! At least for now. And at least for this particular situation! I, once again, am choosing Joy!!!! I may have to keep going through this roller coaster and keep coming to this conclusion over and over, so bear with me, folks! But I seriously am so content with my life right now! Truly! Even after having a meeting with my attorney yesterday. I thought that may depress me, but it made me feel so confident and strong, that I am getting through this, with my head held high, and with Jesus by my side!!! Whoo Hoo!!!

After an evening of reading, walking, and going through old yearbooks/memories, I'm going to groggily (benadryl) tuck myself into bed!

Oh My Peas

OK, The only way you will probably know how funny this is is if you have seen Super Why, a kids program on PBS, sorry! Last night when I was getting Josie to sleep she kept singing and would not settle down, and so I kept saying, Josie you need to be quiet so that you can go to sleep. She said, "But mom, I have to sing! It says so in my story! See, Josie loves to sleep AND sing! Let's zap another word into my story, how about run?" Oh my word!

For those of you who have never seen the show, these 4 characters go into fairy tale books and try to help solve problems. Yesterday was sleeping beauty and when she would not "try new things" and go to a soccer party, she said, but I can't do that, it says so in my story - Sleeping Beauty loves to sleep, so they zapped an AND and then other words in so that she could do other things. Anyway, it was so funny when Josie said it, and very out of the blue! She's also been walking around saying, "Oh my peas!" which is what Princess Pea says all of the time!

I Have A Confession To Make...

I heart the TV show American Gladiators! Yes. It's true. I never in a million years thought I would like a show like that, but I love it! I could watch it every night! I guess right now in my life, I totally respect people with so much strength, power, determination and perseverance! They kick butt! :-) HA! Just wanted to share! I'll write more later!

Phew!

I'm feeling better today. Yes, there is still much to deal with, but my roller coaster is on the up right now, and I'm feeling okay. I bought a new book yesterday called "My Single Mom Life" by Angela Thomas and it is really great! Very honest, but uplifting. Thanks so much to all of you for your encouragement! I also had meant to say thanks yesterday in my blog to Katie for giving me gum and tissues at church on Sunday when I couldn't hold it together, and for sitting next to me! It was a tough day and I just couldn't stop my brain from going through all of my emotions. And you are right, Betsy - my kids & I will be okay! One of the reasons I bought a new book was because the one I bought last week called "Single Moms Raising Remarkable Boys" was written from a non-Christian perspective and while it definitely has lots of good advice and information, I believe that I have an advantage over that lady, because I have God on my side. (oh my word, my son is learning to read and just walked up and read part of my last sentence - I'm going to have to be careful when he's in the room!) I believe that God can fill the "dad-shaped-hole" in my kids hearts and the "husband-shaped-hole" in mine! Plus, I have the advantage of having very involved grandparents! They really have extra parents right now instead of less! ;-) So there you go. I never would have chosen single-mom-hood, but I will do my best, and with God's help, I know I will have success!

Here is a quote from my new book that I love:

I want to live an amazing life, even while raising these four kids alone. I don't want to wait until they are grown to become the best version of me. I want them to have that kind of mom now. They deserve the very best version of family that I can wrap a house around.

What if they could see in me no bitterness, ongoing healing, and a God-sized restoration? What if our home was the hub of activity for their friends? And we had parties and asked people over for dinner and invited the visiting missionary to stay in our spare room? What if we just acted like we're normal instead of focusing on what we're not? I think that a mom with a passionate, amazing life might just be the best foundation for kids to grow up healthy, educated, and wise.

So why focus on the bad, when I can focus on the good? I'm actually quite good at that, so hopefully I can continue to do that! Thanks for the love, guys! I love all of you!

Let's Just Be Honest...

Okay, I've had a really rough week. This past week I have cried more tears than in the last month or two combined. First of all, I'm tired. And secondly, I guess reality is once again knocking on my door. As I've been reading more and more books on the children of broken homes and how there is a lower success rate with these children, I have been overwhelmed. This past Saturday I had to attend a four-hour class for parents with minor children who are going through a divorce. I was dreading this because honestly, it's more bad news. But it wasn't as bad as it could have been, and actually it was pretty informative. And now, it's over with. Even better news. Anyway, I've been very sad lately. But thanks to God, who spoke through my friend Tammy, I've kind of pulled myself back together again. She reminded me that Kenneth's leaving has nothing to do with me. It is between he and God. Sure, I could have done things better or differently, but every wife could do things differently or better, so that is not why he left. I've really been letting the devil get to me and have been listening to him saying, "if only you'd done this... if only you'd done that..." and I just can't do that! I truly was a very patient and loving wife, and while, yes, I would have done things a little differently if I could go back, it would not have changed him, and he would probably still be choosing this. He wants a "free" lifestyle. He wants to be a teenager. Starting with his job - he's waiting tables now. He's dating a 19 year old (okay, so she had her birthday and now she's 20, but I still like to say 19). He's going to clubs and bars (which is not my scene, no offense anyone). All of his current friends are around 20 years old, and he has "given up" any of his long-term friends and pretty much his family. Does this have to do solely with me? I don't think so. But I just really needed to be reminded of that fact, so thank you, Tammy. And thank you to all of you out there who have been encouraging me. It really does mean a lot! Also, on another good news side, I sat down last week and figured out the schedule for all of my college classes that I need to take and it's not that bad! I have one year of full-time classes (12 credit hours/semester) and then 1 summer school class next year which will be two weeks, and then 1 semester of student teaching! I can do this! Hooray! It is doable! Then I will be able to get a decent job that will provide for my children and give us benefits (hooray) and I will be able to build my house! There is an end in sight, and that is exciting!

Well, I'm going to go and knit now. Just wanted to say that I'm sleepy right now and kind of cloudy, so this post may have been kind of rambly. Sorry! I'm going to add a blurb from my daily e-mail that I get from DivorceCare... This does sort of sum up how I've been feeling, but thank the Lord for healing and that I don't have to stay in this depression forever!

The pain of divorce is much deeper and more soul wrenching than most people can imagine, unless they have been through it themselves. Divorce can mean the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of your life as you have known it, a loss of control, and feelings of rejection, loneliness, and blame. There is anger, depression, helplessness, bitterness, resentment, feelings of worthlessness, and guilt. The list goes on and on.

"I was afraid that once I opened that door, the intensity of what I was feeling would break me into little pieces," says Marie. "I'd be scattered all over the floor in little tiny scraps, and I'd never be able to pull myself back together."

You will not be able to "hurry up and get over it." That is not possible. Instead, start by making a commitment to take a small step forward every day. Marie says, "Gradually God has put the pieces back together, and the pieces that I don't have anymore, the severing of the part of me that was bonded with my husband, God has healed and replaced. He's in the process of finishing that up."

"I cry to you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.' Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me" (Psalm 142:5-6).

Lord and Savior, the intensity of my emotions is unbearable. Hold me in Your strong arms. Comfort me with the comfort that only comes from You, and guide me in taking one step forward each day. Amen.

Hooray!

Just wanted to let everyone know not to worry! I found a friend who wants to see Sex & The City too! Carrie! YAY! I'm looking forward to it! ;-)

An Evening Of Firsts

I'm kind of tired right now, and my mind is a bit mushy, so I'm not going to write much, but I wanted to share that I made some accomplishments last Thursday night! While Kenneth had the kids, I drove in to Ft. Wayne to browse around at two of my favorite stores, Target and Hobby-Lobby. (ew, I just smushed a mosquito on the computer screen) After shopping around for a while I decided I would go out on a limb and brave the unknown! ;-) I ate out and went to a movie all by myself! Some of you who do this or have done this regularly may think it's silly that that was a big deal for me, but it truly was. I'm a very social person, and although I enjoy my alone time, eating out and going to movies are not alone time for me. Alone time means reading a book, doing a project, that sort of thing. So I went to the theater to see what was playing because I was not about to see a romantic or a romantic comedy by myself. That would have been just too depressing for my first jaunt. I was in luck! I had been wanting to see Ben Stien's documentary called "Expelled", and it was playing! I had a quick dinner at IHOP because that didn't seem intimidating and they usually bring the food quickly so that I wouldn't be sitting there with nothing to do for a while. I realized I didn't even have a book with me, so that idea was out the window. Anyway, it wasn't so bad! And the movie was great. I'm so glad I saw it, and highly recommend it. If you don't know, he did an "expose'" on the Science world and how they totally shut down any notion of "Divine Intervention" when it comes to the origin of existence. His point was that in America, shouldn't we have the freedom to at least look into this possibility and write about it or teach it as a possibility? Anyway, you have to see it for yourself. It was very well done and was a good choice for my night out.

I lived through my evening of social aloneness! YAY! I kick butt! Isn't there a quote that says, that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger? It didn't kill me and it definitely made me feel stronger. I like being with myself. I'm a pretty swell gal! ;-) HA!

Now, my next dilemma is that I really want to go and see the Sex & The City movie when it comes out (judge me if you want to - I like that show - not the nasty parts, but their friendships and funny stories - love it!). My dilemma is that I don't know anyone here in Indiana who would go and see this movie with me! If anyone is out there, let me know! It may just be a bit too depressing for me to see this chick friendship movie by myself! But who knows! Oh well! Nitey-Nite!

Theo's New Gator!

Oh my word! Theo got his very own "vehicle" last week. His very own gator! He has been loving this and loves to drive Josie all around the backyard! ;-) They are very cute in it!

Saturday Night Fever!

I've been meaning to post this video for the last few weeks! This is of Madeline & Josie the day we celebrated Josie's birthday, putting on a dance for us. It was so cute! Madeline is quite the choreographer!

My Sweet Boy

Well, it finally happened. The day I dreaded came. I was counseled by my pastor to wait to talk with Theo about what has been happening until he asked me about it. So I've been waiting and wondering. Yesterday it came. We were driving home from school and passed a pet store. On the outside are big pictures of fish and Theo saw them and said, Mom, can we get a fish? (He's been asking for some sort of pet for the last month.) I said, well not today, but hopefully in the next few weeks. We need an aquarium first. So then he said, Well, can you buy Daddy a fish? I said if Daddy wants a fish, I'm sure he'll buy one. He said, I want to have a fish at Daddy's too. Will you please buy him a fish? I said, We'll buy one for our house and if daddy wants one for his house, he can buy one. He said, don't you want to buy him gifts anymore? I wasn't sure exactly how to answer that, so I just said, well, daddy has his own money now and mommy has her own money now and I probably won't be able to buy daddy a gift anymore. He said, What about at Christmas? Aren't you going to buy him Christmas gifts? I said, I'll take you and Josie out shopping and help you each buy a gift for Daddy at Christmas. (this is for the kids sake, by the way, not Kenneth's) So he said, well doesn't daddy love you anymore? (here we go) I said, Well, Theo, no. Daddy doesn't love me anymore. He said, Why not? I said, well, that's just his decision, but he still loves you and Josie very much. He started to cry which made me start to cry, and he said, Mommy, I'm so sad for you that Daddy doesn't love you anymore. I said, thank you, Theo, that is so sweet. I love you. He said, does this mean you are getting a divorce? I said, yes Theo. We are. He said, Why? I said, well Theo, that's what your daddy wants, but he still wants you and Josie very much, he just doesn't want to be married to me anymore. He cried some more and said, are you going to get remarried? I said maybe someday Theo, but even if I do it won't be for a long time. Then he said, I want you to get remarried. You need a husband. I'm so sad for you that you don't have a husband. This made me cry even more because he seems to only be crying for me! How did I get so blessed with such a wonderful, sensitive child? He is the sweetest kid around! I love him! I said, well you know how I've been telling you that God is our Father and He is always there for us, and protects and loves us like a father and will never leave us? Well, the Bible also says the He is a husband to the husband-less, so I'm okay, Theo. God is taking care of me, just like He's taking care of you. He seemed to perk up a bit then. I also went on to tell him that it was okay to be sad or angry, but to not let it overwhelm him. That he could talk to me about anything and that I would always be here for him to talk to. And I told him that we are going to be okay! That we have a great home with Grammy & Granddad and how we all love each other and I reiterated that Kenneth loves him too. Then Theo said, Mommy, I don't think God's too happy about Daddy's decision. I said, you are right Theo. So then he said, Why did Daddy make such a bad decision? I said, well we all make mistake and bad decisions sometimes, don't we? (I felt at a loss for that last one, because I don't want to be bad-mouthing Kenneth, but I'm also not going to lie to him if he asks who made the decision!) So this was a conversation that I never ever wanted to have to have with my five year old little boy!

Well, Kenneth has the kids tonight and I've already heard from him, through text message, about how he had to do damage control since I said some misleading things to the kids. He is just going to really confuse them! What makes me mad is that this is what HE wanted. Not me. But he wants things to be all fine and they just can't be with that decision. Divorce is ugly. It is against God's will, and there are consequences with that choice. He has been telling the kids all along, apparently, that sometimes mommies & daddies live apart from each other and that's okay. I'm sorry, but that is not okay! And I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that it is! But, I'm telling you what, I am so determined to give them the best and most normal life they can have. And I will be teaching them what the Bible says, not the "bible according to kenneth." So there. Did I also mention that he introduced his girlfriend to them? Good old Chelsae has been with them the last three times he's had them! That's a good decision, huh? Ugh.

But I will not end on a sour note, I will end on a Bible verse, because I need to hear one right now! "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." - I Peter 4:12,13