Hiya!

Hello! I'm just hanging out here on a Thursday night without my kiddos. I guess there is one advantage of divorce, I always have a night of free babysitting! There, just looking on the bright side! I have to admit though that although I enjoy the peace of having some time to myself, this summer may be a bit different. Kenneth is wanting to find a few weeks this summer where he can have some consecutive days including a whole week at a time with the kids. I am not opposed to this idea, and it is encouraged by the court, but I have to admit that I will worry to death about them! I will have to stay busy, and the week long time I plan to go to Tennessee so that I can enjoy myself. But still, when it's just one night at a time, I think, well, that's doable, but just not knowing what they are doing for a whole week or even 3 or 4 days in a row will be a bit overwhelming! It's not like he tells me what they have planned or what they will do or did do. Any information I get is after-the-fact and from the kids. He's really insistent on taking them for 3 particular days in a row the week of July 7th. I asked him why it was important, and he said, "because I've got plans." That makes me nervous! He doesn't always make the best decisions when it comes to them. So please pray for me. My kids are NOT my own. They belong to God. I have to trust Him that He will protect my babies and take care of them. The interesting part is that I think sometimes Theo is the one who keeps him on track. He'll tell Kenneth, "Mommy doesn't want me to see that or do that. It's inappropriate." It's pretty sad when your five year old is keeping their 40 year old father on task. Anyway, I did not write all of this to put Kenneth down or make him look like a bad dad. I am writing to ask for help with my attitude and willingness to let him be their dad. Unless he makes some horrible or illegal decision when it comes to them, I have no control. The other part that makes me nervous is that he still has not gotten it through his brain that Josie is an escape-artist. When he took them to the zoo 2 weeks ago, I sent along her little harness/leash and asked if he could please use that with her since she runs away so fast, but no. Probably just because I asked him to, he decided not to. Now granted, she's still here, and she's still alive, so it was alright, but personally I just don't like to take chances with her safety! She would have no hesitation with running into a crowd of people away from you! She is the child that this leash was made for! She could get lost or kidnapped in an instant, and that is not a chance that I am willing to take! Anyway, again, going back. Please pray for me that I will be able to trust God that my children will be okay. I just love them so much and would never want anything to happen to them. I go through horrible scenarios in my brain of Josie getting lost and all of us filling out a missing child's report at the police station. It terrifies me! Okay. I have vented now. Thank you.

My children belong to God. They were never mine to begin with, I am just the one He chose to parent them while they are here on earth! I just want to do my best, so that someday when I'm before Him, I will hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That is my goal. Pray for me!