The D Word

Psalm 33:18-22:
"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, ever as we put our hope in You."

Well, yesterday I returned a call to my attorney that I missed. Our provisional court hearing is this Friday morning, so I assumed she was calling me about that, but as we spoke she had called to let me know that Kenneth had filed for divorce. Actually, now divorce is called Disillusion Of Marriage. Like that sounds better or something. Well, I was expecting him to do that, quite honestly, but even when you are expecting news like this, it is still not something you ever expect to hear. Does that make sense? I don't know how to explain it, but I felt a very mixed feeling. Sadness that it came to this point, and because I never wanted or expected to be divorced, and relief that I am not the one who had to make that decision, and that it happened quickly enough that it will not be dragged out forever. I had been praying all along that he would make his decision, either way, and just go through with it so that I don't have to live in limbo. She expects that I will be served on Friday while I am there, and as soon as the paperwork goes through the court, our separation will automatically be turned into a divorce whether I approve or not. So there you go. That's the news. I honestly feel a bit numb about the whole thing right now. I got a little teary yesterday thinking about it but have not really cried nor am I out throwing a party! One of the books I've been reading goes through the five stages of grief as it pertains to divorce and in a way, I feel like I have reached the end. The last stage is acceptance, and I do accept that this is what is happening. I do have days that I go back and visit other stages. Although I don't think I'll ever take a vacation to the first stage again, which is shock. I probably shouldn't say this, but I don't think anything that he could do or say would shock me right now. I have prepared myself for all possibilities of things I may still hear. Short of him telling me that he was really born a woman and had a sex-change. That may shock me! :-)

Well, thanks to all for your love, support, and prayers, and for walking along this journey with me. I'll be keeping you updated!