Made It Through Another Weekend!

Here we are, Monday! Most people look forward to their weekends, and while there are parts of the weekends that I look forward to, weekends are usually especially hard for me. Weekends to me should be family time and it's just a reminder to me how my family has changed. Although we do still have family time, just with my parents, but obviously, this isn't exactly what I had planned for this stage in my life. Church is always a bit emotional for me. Worship is an emotional time and as I sit in church and let my guard down and look around, I always struggle to hold it together. So much of my church experience over the last 10 years has included Kenneth, so his absence there is so much more obvious to me. Each week I pray that I will not cry. Although I don't think there is anything wrong with crying in church, honestly, I just don't feel like I want any extra attention right now. I know I'm just being paranoid, but I often feel like people are looking at me and feeling sorry for me, and I just don't want that. Anyway, I am very grateful for my church here. My kids LOVE to go to their classes and each child came home this Sunday with a gift from their children's church leader! Not from the church, the leaders personally give them gifts! They did this at Christmas too, and now that it's Easter, they are doing it again! It truly feels like they are investing in my children's spiritual lives and I SO appreciate that! They are well loved! I met my friend Katie today at McDonald's with all of the kiddos and I always look forward to time with her. She is such a great friend and so encouraging and supportive!

I also wanted to say a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Karin and Dawn! Karin's birthday was on Saturday and I didn't post that day so I missed it, but today is Dawn's birthday and I just wanted to say that I love you girls very much and miss your happy shining faces! Love you!!!

I really wanted to say to everyone that I totally appreciate your encouraging words and comments, your support and your prayers! Some days I feel like I would not have gotten through without you! THANK YOU!

Wanted to share this Bible passage: "Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of me, 'There is no help for him in God.' But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill." - Psalm 3:1-4

I know this is a long post, but wanted to share that passage because this morning was rough for me too. Kenneth sometimes comes to the kids classes at the Y and this morning was Josie's gymnastics class. When I pulled in, Kenneth pulled in and I had to pass his car to get into the Y. In the front seat of the car was a huge gift all ready for a girl. A big flowery bag with pretty tissue paper and all. That broke my heart just a bit. It's hard to know that your husband is buying another girl a gift. Not that I don't know that a lot of things are happening, but it was a visual reminder of his unfaithfulness and his unlove for me. And if you only knew how few gifts I ever received from him and the few I received had so little thought put into them, and only on Christmas, and occasionally my birthday did I receive any gift from him, so for him to put thought and energy into buying a gift for someone else is basically a stab in the back. It was hard to look at him. And it stunk even more because he normally gives me child support on Mondays, but today said that he was short on cash and couldn't pay me today. I kept thinking, I'm sure if you returned that gift that you would have money for your kids this week. But, God again helped me survive and as I cried out to Him for help, He supplied my need! God truly is my Shield, my Strong Tower, my Shelter in a time of need! Thanks, God!